Falling After Your Mission

I had zero problems with pornography while I was on my mission. I had totally repented and was serving with a clean conscious for the full 18 months. My time in the mission and even the months leading up to my mission were full of scripture studying and proselyting. I was focused and there was nothing that was going to distract me, including pornography.

But then it was time to go home. 

I had really great structure for the first few months. I went to bed and got up at a decent hour, I read my scriptures every day, I said my prayers . . . but it wasn't the same as on my mission, as I'm sure most RM's will attest. 

All of a sudden I could sleep and wake up when I wanted, I could watch TV, I could get on the computer. The possibilities of how I spent my time were endless....

And then it happened . . . I slipped up.

I thought, "How could I let myself do this, especially after the covenants I've made?"

I felt that familiar ache in my chest that feels like someone taking a sledgehammer to my heart.

Unfortunately, I cannot say that was the first and last time I messed up after my mission.

As missionaries, we taught the Plan of Salvation every day. We taught our investigators that their sins could be forgiven, that their weaknesses could become strengths, that they could repent and be clean again through Jesus Christ and obtain the Celestial Kingdom.

But sometimes, as returned missionaries, when we mess up we think that that doesn't apply to us.

Well it does.

Slipping after your mission might seem like the end of the world, but as someone who's been there, many times, I'm here to tell you that you are not the only one and things can get better. It's hard work, as I'm sure you're aware, but it's more possible than you know. Remember the covenants you have made and then remember Him, who made it possible for your to make those covenants.

Since returning home from my mission, I've tried to employ as many tools as possible that the Lord has provided for me: support groups, therapy, self-help/improvement books, recovery manuals, and attending conferences. There are so many tools out there, and it's up to you to decide which ones you use and if you'll do what it takes to implement them.

That being said, don't forget the greatest tools of all: prayer and scripture study. If there's one thing that you can choose to do to help you on the path of recovery and dealing with slip-ups post-mission, it's building your relationship with Jesus Christ and your Heavenly Father. It's hard to believe, but God still loves you after you've had a slip-up. I don't mean God tolerates you. I don't mean God will love you after you've repented. I mean He absolutely and completely loves you, His child, His creation. You are His work and His glory, and He has committed His existence to helping you grow and become like him. He's not going to let Satan stand in the way of that. God's love will always be there, but if we want to make ourselves open to that love, we have to continue to turn to Him for help, no matter how often that may be. God never tires of hearing from and helping His children, and that most definitely includes you.

How can you help RMs who might be struggling? Share this post! You never know who will need this.

Email me at battletogether16@gmail.com


  1. Great work. I'm starting a blog too, from a mom's perspective. (I'll let you know when its up and running) Thank you for speaking up!

    1. I can't wait to read it! Please do let me know!


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